Where to Find Support

This guide is about finding help when you are struggling with faith, with doubt, or with what has happened since you began to question. It does not recommend particular organisations, because this site cannot check every group’s practices in every country, and a recommendation that turned out to be wrong could put you at risk. Instead it explains the kinds of help that exist, how to find them where you live, and how to tell whether a source of help is safe.

If you are in danger right now, from another person or from yourself, stop reading and contact your local emergency number. In most of Europe that is 112; in the United Kingdom 999; in the United States and Canada 911. If you do not know the number where you are, a search for “emergency number” and the name of your country will give it.

Know what kind of help you need

“Support” covers very different needs. It helps to name yours, because each is met in a different place.

• For immediate safety: you are being threatened, hurt, confined, or pressured into marriage, or you fear that you will be.
• For your mental health: you are anxious, depressed, not sleeping, unable to function, or having thoughts of harming yourself.
• When you need someone to talk to: you need to speak about your questions with a person who will listen and not judge.
• For answers: you want to look into your questions with someone knowledgeable.
• For legal and everyday help: you have questions about housing, documents, marriage, custody or your legal position.
• For community: you feel alone and want to meet others who have been through similar questions.

You may need more than one. Start with whichever is most urgent, and safety always comes first.

Immediate safety

If you are at risk of violence, of being forced into marriage, or of being taken abroad against your will, contact the police through the emergency number. In many countries the police and social services have specialist units for family violence, forced marriage and so-called honour-based abuse. Your local police non-emergency line, a domestic violence helpline, or a government website for your country can tell you what exists.

Think about your safety before you make any disclosure. If telling your family that you doubt might put you in danger, you do not have to tell them, and you do not have to tell them now. Keep a copy of your important documents, such as passport and identity card, somewhere safe, and if you can, keep some money and a phone that others cannot take from you. Keep a note of a few people you trust and their numbers.

Be careful with your devices. If others can see your phone, browser history or accounts, consider using a private browsing window, logging out of shared devices, and changing passwords. Many domestic violence services publish guidance on staying safe online.

Mental health

Questions about faith can be deeply distressing, and distress is a health matter. A general practitioner or family doctor is often the best first step; they can refer you to counselling or other treatment. Many universities and colleges have free and confidential counselling services, and many employers offer confidential support schemes.

If you are having thoughts of suicide or self-harm, please contact a crisis line or emergency services now. Most countries have a free, confidential crisis line available at any hour. Your doctor, a hospital, or a search for “crisis line” and the name of your country will find it. If you are outside your home country, the emergency number where you are will connect you to help.

When you look for a therapist or counsellor, it is reasonable to ask how they approach religious questions. A good therapist will not try to push you towards belief or away from it. You can ask directly: “Will you respect whatever I decide about my faith?” Our guide how to assess a doubt explains that some intrusive, repetitive religious thoughts are a recognised feature of anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder, and respond to treatment; a clinician can help you tell the difference.

Someone to talk to

Sometimes the most important help is a person who will listen. That might be a friend, a relative, a teacher, a counsellor, or a religious figure you trust. What matters is that they are safe: that they will keep what you tell them private, will not shame you, and will not report you to anyone.

Before confiding in someone, it is reasonable to test the water. Mention a question in general terms and see how they react. If they respond with anger or alarm, they may not be the right person yet.

This site’s doubts section exists partly for this purpose: each entry is written for a person carrying a particular question, and you can read them privately. If your situation is about family, leaving would cost me my family and afraid of what happens if I leave may help. If you have already left and feel isolated, alone on the other side is written for you.

Answers

If what you need is to look into your questions, find a scholar or teacher known for patience and honesty, who will take your question seriously and admit what they do not know. Avoid anyone who answers questions with threats or insults. Read widely, including the classical sources, which are freely available. This site’s rebuttals and guides, and the companion site’s articles, such as is doubt permitted in Islam?, are a place to start. Our guides hadith grading explained and reading the Qur’an in context explain how to check sources for yourself.

Practical and legal help

Questions about marriage, divorce, custody, inheritance or official documents depend entirely on the law of the country where you live, and sometimes on which court has jurisdiction over you. Get advice from a qualified lawyer in your country. Many countries have free or low-cost legal advice services, law school clinics, or legal aid. Our guide leaving and the law gives an overview by region, but it is not legal advice.

If you are at risk and considering leaving your country, seek advice before you travel. Asylum and refugee law is complicated, and decisions made in a hurry can be hard to undo.

Community

Many people who doubt find it helps to meet others who have asked the same questions. There are groups for questioning Muslims, for people who have left Islam, and for people who have returned to it, both in person and online. This site does not list them, because it cannot vouch for each one. When you consider a group, ask these questions.

• Does it protect members’ privacy? Does it allow pseudonyms, and does it keep membership confidential?
• Does it let people reach their own conclusions, or does it push them in one direction?
• Is it open about who runs it and how it is funded?
• Does it encourage you to keep your relationships, or to cut people off?
• Does it treat people who disagree with respect?

A group that pressures you, demands secrecy about itself while exposing you, or tells you to cut off everyone who disagrees, is not safe, whichever direction it pushes. The companion site’s article how Muslims leave: the sociology discusses some patterns in these communities, and this site’s rebuttal what the testimonies actually do discusses online testimony.

If you are a student or living away from home

Students are often in a particular position: living away from family for the first time, meeting new ideas, and sometimes financially dependent on parents who may react badly. If that is you, your institution’s student services are a good place to start. Most universities have confidential counselling, welfare advisers, and staff trained to help students facing family pressure, including pressure about marriage. They can also advise on emergency funds and accommodation if your situation at home changes. You do not need to explain your beliefs to ask for help; it is enough to say that you are under pressure and need advice.

If you are under eighteen, the situation is different again. A school counsellor, a teacher you trust, or a children’s helpline in your country can help, and they have duties to keep children safe. You do not have to have decided anything about your faith to ask them for help.

Signs a source of help is not safe

• It asks for money before helping you, or promises outcomes it cannot guarantee.
• It asks you to share private information publicly, or to identify your family.
• It shames you for your questions, in either direction.
• It discourages you from seeing a doctor or a lawyer.
• It cannot or will not tell you who is behind it.

For families and friends

If you are reading this because someone you love is doubting, our guide supporting someone who doubts is written for you. The most important help you can give is to make sure they are safe, and to remain someone they can talk to.

A final word

Asking for help is not weakness, and it is not betrayal of anyone. Whatever you are going through, you deserve safety, privacy and time. If nothing else in this guide helps today, remember the first instruction: if you are in danger, contact your local emergency number.